he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
