96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
