gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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