I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bring me that man meat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
