You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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