He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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