you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
