I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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