nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
