I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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