areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and she was petting her beer can
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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