Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
