I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
