Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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