I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at about main and main street
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
