I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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