First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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