sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
