We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
vagina is talking i cant
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
