His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
