he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
