i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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