Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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