umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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