he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
