toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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