you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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