you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The Olympian is in my bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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