the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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