i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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