If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
