im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They took my balls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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