y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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