did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
