It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There r osticjed everywhere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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