you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
