I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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