Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Randomize
