hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
