Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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