I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
