Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
