he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize