I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do herpes really smell.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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