I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
