and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
