I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
