ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
