Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The feeling are messing with the penis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
