I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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