I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
