im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
