so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
