No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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