just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
