I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
