How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
