apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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