I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
