it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize