Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
